I was the fourth generation male in my father's family on the way loving what we Irish called the "drink." My great grandfather and grandmother emigrated from Ireland early in the 20th century. After numerous children, my great grandmother was committed to an asylum and my great grandfather died at my grandmother's house overlooking the ocean in Atlantic City.
My grandfather died a premature death at forty-two on the porch at that same house. My father took me to my first AA meeting, but he himself could never grasp recovery and put together any meaningful time. He died the death as many of my father's generation of lung cancer. He died without a program. At the age of 28 when I entered rehab I too had run out of choices.
I grew up in southern California in the 60s. My mother left her home in Iowa in the 1930's to come to California to pursue her dream of becoming a famous singer. When it didnt pan out she eventually met an married my father, who was traveling through California during World War II. From a very early age I can remember being pushed by my mother to be someone. I was never good enough to just be me. " you getting a little fat, Walter?" and "Don't hang around those boys, Walter, they aren't going to amount to anything,"
I started out on the right track. I played Little League baseball, was a Boy Scout and never missed a day of school. But as I got older I never remember feeling good enough. The first time I lied, I felt good about myself. Therefore I continued to lie. I learned to change my circumstances to feel good about myself.
From the very beginning it was hard to measure up to my mothers dreams for me. I really tried to put together a fairly normal childhood, but eventually fell prey to my demons. In the beginning I played Little League, was a Boy Scout, and made good grades. But something happened when I turned twelve. I quit baseball, bought a surfboard, and became a surfer.
Unfortunately I lived sixty miles from the beach. Still, I peppered my walls with surf posters, bought a 9'6 Dewey Weber surfboard, and paddled around our swimming pool everyday. At the same time, I wanted to become a folk singer.? I bought old work boots, a chambray color workshirt, and a Gibson guitar. So now Im a guitar playin surfer boy with no musical chops and who lives 60 miles from the beach.
One summer I was the home run king and my hero was Willie Mays. The next summer my heroes were 60s blues singer Willie Dixon and a rebellious surfer named Miki Dora. I started drinking at thirteen and by the time I was fifteen I had been busted for pot.
My parents didnt know what to do so they sent me to a well meaning psychiatrist who started me on a thorazine/stelazine protocol for the next three years. I shuffled from class to class through my freshman year of college.
In August of 1967 I moved up to the Bay Area to go to college. (My high school grades were awful, but the thorazine slowed me down enough so I could think during my SATs. I got into college on the strength of my scores.) I would hitch-hike from Berkeley to the Haight-Ashbury everyday. It was the Summer of Love. The thorazine coupled with the other drugs and booze was the perfect prescription in the change the world, make love not war, better living through pharmaceuticals? hippie movement.
Basically the only time I felt good was when I was drunk or high. Otherwise I felt horrible. Getting high was the answer like lying was the answer when I was younger. It changed my reality. During college I started a band, Butch Whacks, that became successful in the Bay Area and eventually we recorded on a small label in Los Angeles. I traveled the US, Canada, and Central America. We headlined Playboy clubs across America, and played concerts with bands like the Doobie Brothers, Boz Scaggs, and Journey. By this time my drinking and drug use was on a daily basis.
When the band broke up, my fragile world was shattered so I accelerated my drinking and drug use, eventually breaking into homes for liquor, and stealing bottles from bars. I deteriorated so quickly I was waking up with delirium tremors every night.
I ended up in a hospital emergency room in San Pedro, California on December 18, 1978. I entered their treatment program the next day. I was blessed to have around me a very talented group in that hospital program. The treatment field has been better for the likes of Interventionist Ed Storti, Betty Fords Jerry McDonald, Fr. Leo Booth, Dr. William Rader, who started the San Pedro program, and eating disorder specialist Judy Hollis.
In that hospital I met defeat in all areas of my life and I began to look honestly at who I was. The recovery community in that area gave me the tools to go onto a life of recovery.
Once out of the hospital, my life rapidly began to change. I went to work helping produce live television shows like the Academy Awards. I then went to work marketing for the Ice Capades. Eventually I worked my way back into the music business. I worked for Word Records in the mid-eighties. I married my wife, Lori, and we moved to Nashville where I started a public relations and artist management firm on Music Row. I was blessed to work with some successful artists including; Hal Ketchum, John Hiatt, even Dion DiMucci and Brooks and Dunn for a short time.
But the music business was beginning to ebb and country music and after Garth Brooks retired, it was really getting to be a grind. During this period my recovery meetings kept me grounded and sane in an insane business. I decided to retire.
I started with Cumberland Heights treatment center in 1997. It seemed like any idea at that time was a good idea. It turned out to be a great idea. It was a smaller regional center that seemed primed to expand and grow. I joined and I?ve never looked backed. I 've been privileged to work with great people at Cumberland Heights and this industry. I helped start the John Hiatt Fund at Cumberland Heights (we have raised almost $2 million dollars for adolescent addiction) and S.H.A.R.E., a private non-profit that has raised awareness of addiction in the Nashville music community and conversely began promoting concerts using professional singers and songwriters who are in recovery.
Today, I take nothing for granted. My life is a gift and I am enjoying the ride
AA birthday. 12/19/1978
